Today we're here to tame your triggers.
Not to deny them, shame them, blame them or get really freaking frustrating you have them in the first place!
And I'll put my hand up and say I've had a shitty relationship with triggers; and that knowledge of them doesn't equal mastery of them. (So if you two have been working on this on for a while, trust that you've done all of the necessary ground and we simply need to take it to the next level today.)
But what are triggers?
distress, typically as a result of arousing feelings or memories associated with a particular traumatic experience.
When you put it like that (thanks Google) we begin to see that triggers are so much more than overreactions or shitty ways of handling a situation.
Triggers are grounded in trauma and are distressing AF.
If anyone's told you not to be triggered or to just 'get over it' - you can now begin to see why that didn't work.
~ Start tangent ~
I want to go on a slight tangent here for those of us in business for ourselves - go team entrepreneur.
A lot of business owners that I know or work with in The Coven or Soul-led & Satisfied have this societally driven story that because they are intelligent, high-functioning and capable of being in business - that somehow triggers shouldn't affect them.
The classic, "I should be better than this." BS.
So if you're on that thought train currently, hop off and get grounded in reality. We all got s*** going on. Stop holding yourself to a higher standard than everyone else around you.
~End tangent~
How do triggers affect us?
Depending on your relationship with triggers and how well you have developed or learnt strategies around them the impact can look different.
You might lash out.
You might get quiet.
You might play The Bully.
You might play The Victim.
You might sink fully into your emotions and become reactive.
You might divorce yourself from your emotions and operate only from the head.
And the impact becomes completely dependant upon your learnt reaction to that trauma rather than responding as the person you've become since then. Which is part of the reason why after we've been triggered and then come back down to earth we are so frustrated at ourselves!
3 ways to tame your triggers.
You may find you use each of these in order, or you might wish to apply only those which call to you. Don't overthink it.
#1 become grounded
For those of us who pop off and get carried away in trying to outrun the trigger...grounding is going to be your go-to.
Consciously and courageously, bringing yourself back into the present moment. This can look like a walk outside, 10 minutes of meditation, describing the room around you or identifying how you currently feel: mind, body and soul.
The power of this step is that you begin to train yourself not to flee in the face of the trigger* and you become aware that In This Moment you are safe. (If the trigger is a person or a dangerous situation the step before this is to remove yourself*.)
#2 connect the dots
This step may call to you if it's easy to step into the Rational part of your brain (although I would encourage you to do this even if you're more of an emotional reactor because it'll pull you out of that as well).
Working your way backwards from your current feeling, to the steps leading to the trigger, to the memories and situation it calls up.
Write these down. Put it onto paper.
Make it SO OBVIOUS that this is simply a learnt pathway - and you can choose to step off the path at ANY TIME.
#3 Reset the Compass
The power of the pivot. In the moment where you are AWARE that this is a trigger, that you are triggered and that YOU DO NOT DESIRE to walk down that path...it's your chance to reset your compass.
Here are some questions to ask:
Where is my North Star?
What do I DESIRE to experience?
What do I need to do differently?
What's the FIRST step to take me in that direction?
Taming your triggers isn't about ignoring them but connecting back to your power and allowing that to lead you.
YOU have the power to flip this script. You are not defined by your triggers and you are able to raise yourself up again (and again).
This work can be done solo - but it doesn't have to be - in fact, you are going to find it so much more graceful working alongside a coach or cohort. Check out my services page - or get in contact to learn more about how I can support you on this journey.
In the comments section below share what you've learnt about your trigger and which of the 3 steps you are called to try!
And if you know that this conservation needs to go further so that you can go further too, join our community over on FB.
Or become a member of Soul-led & Satisfied - THE membership for entrepreneurs who are ready to have it all.
Nikki x
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